


Let Ring the Cymbals of Strife

by handschuhmaus



Series: Star Wars does Shakespeare [1]
Category: Cymbeline - Shakespeare, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anakin does not want to play Yoda's mother, Asexual Characters, Crack, Cymbeline is way too interested in Caius Lucius, Dooku flirting outrageously while betting, F/M, Gen, Grievous hates this role, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Imogen threatening Iachino as a joke, Jedi and Sith inexplicably acting in a play together, Multi, Obi-Wan Did Not ask to play the guy who's pretending to be Qui-Gon's father, Padme wishes her houseguests would stop flirting, Palpatine pretending to be sappy and ridiculously romantic, Plagueis's pleathora of opportunities for snarky asides regarding Yoda, The Hero With No Fear also does not want to be stepmother to two Jedi and a politician, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, Yoda really gets into it, Yoda's idiosyncratic syntax combined with Shakespearean turn of phrase, everyone ganging up on Sabe, extremely inappropriate casting decisions, lots of crossdressing for theatre, nor his stepbrother's girlfriend's king's wife, poor Sabe, redheaded stepdaughter, the TOS ensemble provides assorted equally poorly cast extras, this play is ridiculous, you don't have to be crazy to work here but it helps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 17:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2076147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handschuhmaus/pseuds/handschuhmaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A handful of Jedi are forced to act together with a few Sith and assorted other people in an inexplicably cast production of Cymbeline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Ring the Cymbals of Strife

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this fic is rated largely due to the content of the play, including one character threatening to rape another. As the opportunity never actually materializes due to the would be rapist-character being killed off _and_ the relevant actors have no such inclination, it is somewhat difficult to take seriously in the context of the fic, but er... it's not so nice.
> 
> ...I really had no idea how I was going to write this, so this is a bit improvisational... and, this appears to be in some random AU.

**Cast List:**  
Arviragus -- Qui-Gon Jinn  
Belarius -- Obi-Wan Kenobi  
Caius Lucius -- Owen Lars  
Cloten -- Yoda  
Cornelius -- Bail Organa  
Cymbeline -- Beru Lars  
First Lord -- Qymian jai Sheelal  
Guiderius -- Mace Windu  
Iachimo -- Arctura Xane  
Imogen -- Palpatine  
Jupiter -- Darth Plagueis the Wise[-?? What were we thinking here? Who?]  
Philario -- Padme Amidala  
Pisanio -- Sabe  
Posthumus Leonatus -- Dooku  
Queen -- Anakin Skywalker  
Second Lord -- Hego Damask  
Soothsayer -- Han Solo

* * *

_Note to self: cast ~~Enterprise~~ NCC-1701 crew visiting as minor parts. _

* * *

DIRECTOR: Skip that first bit in this rehearsal. I haven't figured out who I'm casting as the gentlemen yet and not all the extras have arrived.

Anakin Skywalker presently walks onto the stage, ostensibly as the Queen but not in costume, along with Count Dooku and Chancellor Palpatine. He delivers his first speech enunciating clearly and speaking loudly, but sounding alternately and equally inappropriately bombastic and fed-up. Nor does he appropriately address the chancellor when he is speaking to Imogen or turn to Darth Tyranus when advocating for Posthumus.

> No, be assured you shall not find me, daughter,  
>  After the slander of most stepmothers,  
>  Evil-eyed unto you: you're my prisoner, but  
>  Your gaoler shall deliver you the keys  
>  That lock up your restraint. For you, Posthumus,  
>  So soon as I can win the offended king,  
>  I will be known your advocate: marry, yet  
>  The fire of rage is in him, and 'twere good  
>  You lean'd unto his sentence with what patience  
>  Your wisdom may inform you. 

Count Dooku, who is dressed at least somewhat plausibly as an Elizabethan nobleman, acknowledges this with a bored tone, which might seem justified, as he is a sworn enemy of the Hero with No Fear:

> Please your highness,  
>  I will from hence to-day. 

To which Anakin replies, shuffling impatiently as if he were a Padawan under the uncomfortable scrutiny of his master (which at least does seem vaguely appropriate for someone looking to walk around the garden), and looking off into space,

> You know the peril.  
>  I'll fetch a turn about the garden, pitying  
>  The pangs of barr'd affections, though the king  
>  Hath charged you should not speak together. 

Directly thereafter he exits.

A number of persons involved in this production had expressed their reservations about the notion of the _Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic_ crossdressing for a play, only to be informed that it was quite traditional in such things. Palpatine has at least gotten more into the spirit of things than our young Jedi hero (to whom oddly enough no one objected), wearing a courtly robe that... vaguely resembles his standard Senate attire. Still, he does not precisely make the most convincing princess, in appearance at least. Let's hold out to see what his first speech is like.

> O  
>  Dissembling courtesy! How fine this tyrant  
>  Can tickle where she wounds! My dearest husband,  
>  I something fear my father's wrath; but nothing—  
>  Always reserved my holy duty—what  
>  His rage can do on me: you must be gone;  
>  And I shall here abide the hourly shot  
>  Of angry eyes, not comforted to live,  
>  But that there is this jewel in the world  
>  That I may see again.

_Well_ , he begins with sarcasm, which seems perhaps appropriate toward the Queen, but he uses a similar tone to address Posthumus, and he imbues phrases related to Cymbeline's anger with honestly improbably wrath. I'm not sure if he was going for coquettish or not, but catching the count's chin with his finger on the word "jewel" is just intriguing enough to be either inspired or ridiculous and suggests he's getting into the character. Well, enough of that, let's see how they act as a couple.

> My queen! my mistress!  
>  O lady, weep no more, lest I give cause  
>  To be suspected of more tenderness  
>  Than doth become a man. I will remain  
>  The loyal'st husband that did e'er plight troth:  
>  My residence in Rome at one Philario's,  
>  Who to my father was a friend, to me  
>  Known but by letter: thither write, my queen,  
>  And with mine eyes I'll drink the words you send,  
>  Though ink be made of gall. 

And... Dooku's tone addressing Imogen is a bit nonchalant, not at all that of an infatuated lover, and he seems to be disdainful of suspicions of tenderness. Does he know something we don't know, with the way he's talking about loyalest husband? Is this some kind of analogy? He is, after all, one of the Separatist leaders. Do his terrible intentions include the Republic yoked to the Seperatists as if to an unfaithful husband? Yes, and "though ink be made of gall", it seems to pain him. Well, that could conceivably be in character.

Anakin Skywalker reenters, and addresses them... well, it would make sense if the Queen were a moody teenager like him (he's not, you say?) but as she is not--let's just say it sounds like what he himself is saying is coming through an Elizabethan English filter:

> Be brief, I pray you:  
>  If the king come, I shall incur I know not  
>  How much of his displeasure.  
>  [Aside]: Yet I'll move him  
>  To walk this way: I never do him wrong,  
>  But he does buy my injuries, to be friends;  
>  Pays dear for my offences.

And, Dooku begins a romantic exchange rather coldly:

> Should we be taking leave  
>  As long a term as yet we have to live,  
>  The loathness to depart would grow. Adieu!

Now it is to see whether there was any logic whatsoever casting these two in these parts; one would think they have a great deal of enmity, but this does not appear to be totally so? The Chancellor is hardly as passionate nor as histrionic as backstage discussion expected from this part.

> Nay, stay a little:  
>  Were you but riding forth to air yourself,  
>  Such parting were too petty. Look here, love;  
>  This diamond was my mother's: take it, heart;  
>  But keep it till you woo another wife,  
>  When Imogen is dead.

Yet until those last two lines, there is some plausible affection there.

Well, Posthumus is acting as if melodramatically but not actually wounded by the sentiment...

> How, how! another?  
>  You gentle gods, give me but this I have,  
>  And sear up my embracements from a next  
>  With bonds of death!  
>  [Putting on the ring] Remain, remain thou here  
>  While sense can keep it on. And, sweetest, fairest,  
>  As I my poor self did exchange for you,  
>  To your so infinite loss, so in our trifles  
>  I still win of you: for my sake wear this;  
>  It is a manacle of love; I'll place it  
>  Upon this fairest prisoner.

And yes, he has placed a bracelet upon the Chancellor's arm--I hope we've checked the props to make sure it's quite safe? And, hmm, does he think he's implying something about a Separatist plot we've heard rumors about to kidnap our chancellor? I should hope not.

> O the gods!  
>  When shall we see again?

  
Then the Chancellor seems to regard this line with disdain. 


End file.
